I'm not embarrassed to admit I was a little daunted by the idea of sitting down with actor David Spade; in town to chat about his latest big-screen comedy Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star. In the new film, Spade plays former child star Dickie Roberts, all grown up, on the skids, and desperate to snag the lead in Rob Reiner's new film. In typical Spade fashion, there are pratfalls aplenty and a dose of real sweetness, as well as delicious cameos by everyone from Leif Garrett to Erin Moran.

My nervousness in meeting him is probably part a story that began years ago, when I realized that being funny gets you attention and just about anything you want - if you're in on the joke and know how to tell a good one. I was never the class clown and more often than not, if I managed to say something that made people laugh, I'd repeat the punch line over and over to just about anyone who would listen, in the hopes of duplicating the elation in their response. Something told me Spade never found himself in this particular dilemma.

My worst fear about Spade, however, wasn't making him laugh. Instead, I was a little on edge at the possibility that he'd be his public persona personified. He'd be the cynical, wisecracking and smart-ass David we all recognize from his inspired stand-up, hit sitcom Just Shoot Me, or any of his lightning-wit performances in questionable comedies like Tommy Boy and Joe Dirt. I'd be boring. He'd get over me quickly. Next, please.

My fears were all for naught. In person, David Spade revealed himself a witty and natural conversationalist, easy to talk to, and an overall charming guy with low-key warmth. In a concentrated session we covered his new film, the pressure of child celebrity, industry image roadblocks and the manic business of just getting a movie made. Spade revealed many variations on his self-described "one-note" personality, and yielded some humorous insights into the working life of a comedy actor in Hollywood today.

David Spade: It was tough to just cold call these guys. There are some colorful characters there, who have SAG dues, and there's so much involved to get these guys in, you've got to help them out with this and that, and some people wanted private jets. I was like, `Guys, guys. This is how it's going to be.' But individually, there's some really cool guys that just had a great run - and when it was over what do you do?

There was some pride involved. Some of them read the script and found it pretty accurate, and I think they got involved knowing it was kind of sympathetic to them. And when I would make a call, and they would hear that David Spade wants them to do this movie, they would think I was going to make fun of them, so a lot of them didn't want to do it.

No one was really that mean about it. Like Natalie from Facts of Life, Jimmie Walker, you know, he doesn't want to say "dynomite!" Gary Coleman finally came in for the song but he didn't want to be in the main part. There are certain things a lot of them won't say; they won't talk about the characters. There are so many restrictions you get.

The song at the end (the film's high point) came together when we shot the movie. And when we started to put it together and it was funny, the child stars heard it was good and started calling and saying they wanted to be a part of it. There were so many of them. We did cut out Horshack's (Ron Palillo) stuff, because his was dirty! We couldn't get it in. It was rougher than PG-13, so we took out some stuff, but I'm glad we kept the whole song, because it is just something to do when you're walking out and you get to see everybody. I told them not to use any names, and I'd rather just figure it out. That's the fun part. I still don't know some of them. But they were good sports. We had everyone sing a line.

It was hard to get that poker scene together. I wanted a variety. I wanted Screech (Dustin Diamond of Saved by the Bell fame) because he's kind of newer. Who is the audience for the film? I've got people who like Tommy Boy, but they're getting older and there's a whole new wave of college kids who see that and Joe Dirt, and Just Shoot Me is a little older, so I wanted stuff for everybody.

And we put Screech in there because they were telling me, `We've got the guy from Leave it to Beaver.' And even I wouldn't recognize him, and I'm an old man! We had to keep it within reason. Screech was a good sport. His name is Screech. I never got his real name. He got it changed legally to The Guy Called Screech. But even with him, it's like saying, `So, your show has been off for a year and a half. You'll never work again. Will you do our movie about what loser you are?' And he was a good sport because I think he just knew that he was on a show and it was for kids, and he played a teenaged guy and this was the next thing. He's in a band, he acts, and all these things sound crazy. But it's like seeing the movie - they're real people. I went to Grand Canyon when I was eight. I barely remember it. But if you were a star or something when you were eight, you barely remember it, but every day you see people who are like, `Didn't you…' It's hard to recapture that, and it's hard to always be up.

I mean, my career is just kind of like always gotten a little more fame in a way, like it sounds crazy. I was stand-up and people around town knew me, then on HBO - a couple people saw that - then on Saturday Night Live as a writer, which I barely got on, then "Hollywood Minute," then I did Tommy Boy, and then a prime time sitcom. So it wasn't like whiplash, like `Wow, everyone knows me!' So I think if you do that with anybody it messes you up. And if you're a kid and that happens….

Lost and Found didn't do a great opening weekend. I was kind of oblivious then, and I thought the movie was kind of fun. They called me and said, `It's not tracking well.' I didn't even know what that meant. I was like what America used to be. Now my mom tells me it's not tracking well. You say, `What does that mean? Oh, well, people will show up.' It didn't do that well and literally no one called me. It's such a weird feeling to have people scatter. And I was doing Joe Dirt with another studio. Monday morning they cancelled it. Finally (Adam) Sandler said, `Can I read it?' I said, `Well, you don't have to.' He said, `I'll get this set up right away.' And he did. And that kind of pulled me out of that. But it's really horrifying, because I was believing the hype, about `Oh, this guy is my buddy. This studio or this guy says he'll have me write something and he'll make it.' Because to be famous and broke is hard.

DS: God, it's just so gross it's hard to even think about. There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to - a funny idea or a funny script; there's a million pitches. We had one that was funny called Disco Ball where a gay guy gets hit in the head with a disco ball and forgets he's gay. So his tough, Clint Eastwood-like dad takes him from the hospital to Montana, and raises him straight again. They never hung out. He's like a ranch hand. He doesn't know he's gay, but he's coming out. And it was so hard to write that, but it was this funny idea we all liked, and four studios wanted to buy it, but we just couldn't get it together. And that's the kind of thing - we get the script for this, and then to get Paramount to shoot it is tough, and then your budget is so small that you're losing jokes to try to compensate. I'm giving money back: `If you let me have this thing, I'll give you this.' And then getting a director and shooting it on my hiatus, and then we shot it, and it comes in at like two hours and fifteen minutes. And we have everything, but we have to lose whole stories to make it make sense.

And then the next piece of the puzzle is opening weekend - knowing how much you do immediately isn't the problem - it's more where is it? And once we had it done and tested it and it was well received, they're like, `Okay, we can't fumble this. Where do we go?' It was November, December, February, March, April. So we look on the schedule and there's an Eddie Murphy movie, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, and let's see who else! And then it's summer and the big guns come out. You know because I'm smart enough to know [that] not everyone is going to say, `Oh, David Spade - him or Tomb Raider?' (Reflects), well, maybe.

Tentatively we were up against Pirates of the Caribbean and something else, and I want to be at least in the mix. I don't want to be annihilated. So the first week after summer is usually slow, and then you've got a fair fight. So the first weekend, you just really can't think about it. It gets closer and you go, `Oh!' You just hope it does all right.

But I think the movie is funny, and I think if it does all right, people will hear about it, and things like Joe Dirt and Tommy Boy many people didn't see in the theater, and they seemed to be happy later with seeing it. So maybe they just build up some trust, and they say, `Oh, let's check this one out.' It's an easier idea. To pitch Tommy Boy, it was like `Two guys sell brake pads in Ohio. It's hilarious.' I didn't even understand the idea of that movie. It was just like, `Oh, we're gonna do a movie, me and Farley, write something around that. That's funny.'

DS: It's more difficult when you're conscious about it, because we fought when the movie came out on things as little as the piano music under the serious scenes, don't lay into it, words are enough, if you know what I'm saying. Don't let them know this is the drama, because this is not Party of Five. And the way the movie is written it's like the funny character comes first. And then we're writing and it has to go somewhere, and it's like, `Well, he doesn't want this, somehow family must be important.' You've got to realize the way Dickie is acting is not his fault totally, because of what happened growing up.

And when that comes out it just seems straight for a second. It's real and there's a little bit of drama. But we tried to do it as quickly as possible. But we wanted it to be nice, and that's half the comments we got on those comment cards, which sometimes are hard to take, and I'm not there but I read them. They always read, `funnier than I expected.' `It shocked me that it was very sweet and I cried at the end,' or `It was much better than I thought it would be.' And so that's good - it's not bad. Your ego sometimes takes a hit, but as long as they walk out of there like surprised and they had a good time, you've just got to get the word out there.

That's why I'm going on the road. I wouldn't do this if I didn't like it. Just going from zero to that, to get it to where it's running as a PG-13, and then the odd thing with Nickelodeon, I don't know if you guys know this, but they can change your movie. And I'm telling you we got PG-13, which is so hard to do. To advertise on Nickelodeon, they're like, `You have to take these twelve jokes out of your movie.' I was like, `Out of the trailer?' `No, out of the movie!'

You have to negotiate with a network. I was shocked. This is what it is. It's funny. I don't want to go back to Tommy Boy and take out "hand job" because one person thought it was… It's funny because it's funny. Obviously a lot of things could have gotten taken out of that. [This is what happens with] any normal movie when it comes out through a studio: `Three people didn't like that reference, three didn't like that.' So we fought for as much as we could, and a couple profanities got lost, which is okay.

DS: Yeah, it's kind of bad. With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show. I wound of being kind of "Hollywood Minute" and sarcastic. The second you get it, you're fighting it for the rest of your life. I can do all this other stuff, but they don't care. They like what they like, and they found it. So you just keep doing it. But you can do it in a way that- like Bill Murray I always liked, because he was always kind of Bill Murray. That's what I'd compare it to. I'm not as good as him, but there a variation- there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, you like him - I'll never be that. But that's his quality - he disappears and he's a different guy every time. Even Dana Carvey is a different character. I don't really do that.

DS: Yeah, right! That would be great, to get someone like Paul Thomas (Anderson) to jump in there, that would be great. But even pitching comedies it's so crazy in Hollywood, because you say, `Here's three ideas for a movie.' They're like, `Which one is like "Hollywood Minute?"' Even if one is just a little different comedically - forget saying I want to do The Majestic or The Razor's Edge. I'm even aware of it when I watch Dickie Roberts - it gets straight for a second, but it called for it, so I was okay with it, and everyone else was and it worked out. But there's a part in the movie where I go out and I kind of have a breakdown, and she kicks me out of the house. And that was like four solid pages, and I kept going shorter, shorter, shorter. I think we did a good job that the second it became like that, there's a joke. Because I don't want people going `Oh, here we go.'

DS: I tried a couple of things, and it's so funny because there's four pages of stunts, and they're like, `Come in late that day, we'll have your stunt man do it. Just the pick-ups will be you.' I ended up spending the whole f***ing boxing scene getting pummeled! They said, "We're going to piece you into this shot, and that shot," and I'm like, `Why don't you use the stunt man? I'm doing every g****mned thing.' So we do it, and of course now and then they connect accidentally. It's not exactly doing Ali, but…

DS: The cast got together and watched the final episode. We didn't know it would ever be on, so we watched it. We're pretty tight over there and the show started great, last summer we got new writers and we disintegrated quickly when we were on the Fall schedule, and then we were on the second week when they moved our time slot. And it was like `Here it comes.' So we kind of all knew we were doomed, and we said we'd do the show and it'll run in syndication, and if it ever gets on prime time, fine. But it was a great place there, and the big finale episode was sad. So we knew it was doomed, and if they would have pushed it a little bit it would have helped, but that's the biz. And I had a great time on it.

DS: I can see getting married and having a family, because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I'm old, and my friends all have kids. And I'm single, still blow drying my hair! And just trying to keep doing stuff that's fun. I mean, I was when I started and I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks. Now it's harder to get me off my a**. So I can always write a little bit, I can always do a little bit. Just Shoot Me - I knew it was getting cancelled, so I put away three grand, so I knew in case everything went wrong, I'd have some seed money. That'll last me - I'm not sure how long, but…

DS: That was the big bust - when I was on the jet ski with the guy attacking me. That's the bullet-point usually. That's as bad as anything the tabloids - that's the worst they could find on me. They really got the big fish. The funny thing was, I'm just drifting by him, you know, nearby. And I guess you can't be within a hundred feet - that's horrible. What's the fun? You know you go up to somebody and spray `em! They knew what they were doing. I got out of that one and I've been pretty clean since.

DS: Oh, yeah! I'm a psycho, dude. I'm about to snap. I was pestered by bullies all my life, since I was tiny. Microscopic. Shocking. We moved a lot. I lived in fear. It was always bad. With bullies, now people are catching on. But I got older, and it's like road rage. By the time I figured out what was going on, I flipped out on them! Yeah, it was crazy.